My story, as I choose to tell it, is about asking the hard questions...all the "why's?". What I cyclically swirl around within my self imposed questioning are philosophies on life, purpose, and relationship. It is the big stuff that plagues me, ignites my interests, and sets me a flight. I love being questioned. I love being challenged to expand my perspective.
Who am I? What do I want? What do I want create? What have I created? Why is it time for me to look inside, to truly look at myself and see what’s there? What have I created that I want to represent me as an artist? What have I created that I don’t want to represent me as an artist? Who am I and why does it matter? What matters? Really? The stripped soul, exposed and barren, this is beautiful. Give me the ugly damaged self. The self that hates, the self that is far too often suppressed and squelched down further and further inside until till we no longer let it breathe. It sits inside us and bakes. It festers there until we let it out. And it is coming out. One way or another it piles up and eventually it has to come out. Joy, hate, longing, resentment, love, sadness these are all beautiful emotions we get to witness in ourselves and in others. They are true and should not be feared themselves, to step into them and surrender is to find freedom. Only in surrender do they lose their power to inspire judgement of self and others. I believe that there are no "bad" feelings; that fear, hate, self-loathing, frustration, and anxiety are as important as love, joy, excitement, and hope. All emotions serve as guiding posts. They are there to let us know when we are in or out of alignment with our truest self.
I want to change the world. I know how silly that sounds but really if you don’t believe your craft can make an impact and spur some sort of paradigm shift (no matter how big or small), why do it? Why waste others’ time? Why waste your own time? It is up to each one of us to answer these questions, or not, as we feel compelled and my guttural response is that I don’t want to fit into a box. I need to push boundaries, question everything, and find the knowingness where there are no questions left, just breath. Transfixed in stillness, ever-moving through the weight of time…I stand, I stare, I quarrel till there is peace. Peace within, peace without. Peace within the grotesque, the mutant, the hatred, the sounds. And through the cacophony simple truth arises like a phoenix spreading its wings to tow the gates between heaven and hell, the yin and the yang. For while within the light does hides the dark; within the dark there spills a clear transcendent light.
I am perfect in my imperfection.
And so are you.
And so it is.
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