Why do I have 3 blogs?!? I don't know. I guess that's what I'm trying to find out. Maybe one day I will combine them all, but right now the separation helps me identify which "project" I am diving into when I write. I have (1) one for letting things flow ooey gooey which is my Intuitive Artist Blog (but really this one started as a catch-all so there are probably posts within it that would maybe be better suited here), (2) another where I work through the fucking reason I make work in the first place and why it is important to me to heal myself through the work I am making and also centers around the work I am doing for my Juliet Project on the same titled Blog (which is really all about navigating this space), and the last (3) for the bullshit and inspiration that collide within right here, right now on this Melding Mynde Blog.
It feels overly complicated, this whole 3 separate blogs thing...and I think it is in the long term perhaps. But for right now it is necessary for me to get a sense of where the hell I am and what on earth I am swimming within and towards. This blog is all about outside in vs. inside out inspiration and listening. The last blog I wrote, Iconoclasts, was inspired by my watching the Iconoclasts episode with Maya Angelou and Dave Chapelle. This is the first blog posting I have done that has referenced specific outside content as inspiration. No wait, that's a lie. I reference Anne Bogart's book A Director Prepares in an Intuitive Artist Blog post from a long time ago. Ugh, but really when you think about it, doesn't everything start from some form of stimuli and so therefore you could say that when I reference conversations I've had with friends, or classes I have taken then really those are me doing this very same thing...oh my gosh my brain is like a freight train.
Okay, so...the point of all this is - what's the point of all this? Yes, that's the point. The point is I'm trying to sift through the clutter and get to the nugget underneath the noise. What's beyond the noise? Well, there's a simpleness and calm. An understanding of self. But then the cacophony starts again in my brain and the chatter wants to butt in and have opinions and inserts itself to "figure things out", but really there is nothing to "figure out" everything is right. Everything is good. Everything is clear and clean and without the noise there is no need to rush. Without the noise a sense of stillness sets itself onto my shoulders like a blanket or a mother's embrace. Without the noise there is safety and that safety brings with it a freedom a joy from within. There is nothing to change, there is only what is and that evolves on its own with or without my pushing. In fact, more easily and symbiotically when I let go of the reigns.
Though the thought still remains...where is the balance for me between going with the flow of life and letting go recklessly. The reckless part is what I am learning how to identify. There is an in between and that is what I feel myself running towards. The trick is I don't think running is the way to get there, perhaps swimming is the trick!
That last bit sounds so very Alice in Wonderland to me.
Beware the Jabberwocky
Back to business.
To the point...
I like to put my thoughts and creative direction into categories. Like little North Stars. Beaming at me, giving me a sense of direction. That's what breaking these blogs up into 3 parts does. It helps give me a sense of where I am, like a map.
I've moved through something. This is my new vantage point; my new sense of understanding for the day...
I just watched the Iconoclasts episode from Season 1 with Maya Angelou and Dave Chappelle (link to full episode below). It was powerful, pure, honest, and so universally human. Their conversation was like streams of water. Their perspectives both living, breathing and beating in syc and yet headed off in two distinct landscapes. His understanding of decency, respect, and ownership of self are such a gift to witness. Her wisdom, compassion, and strength are something I only hope to embody as I progress through time...yet I know the reason they are so inspiring is because these qualities in their purest form are present within all of us - and to see her understanding of THAT across behind her eyes and embodied in her very essence is magnificent to behold.
These kinds of conversations between artists who are human first...this is what I am insatiable for; what I drink in like honey; what I breathe into my cells like air, like love and light, like all the yummy stuff! I just can't get enough of it. Like bread and honey.
What comes to mind now is talking with M. and Alex about art and life and love and pain. The fear of becoming what you feel and know you are capable of being. The self-imposed struggle with boxing in your creativity when the reason you are suppressing it is the very same reason that it has to come out. Something bigger than you is engaged and where the fuck do you put that energy? M. and Alex have not met yet, but they will. I don't see how they could not...there is something too kismet about the way the three of us individually engage with creating. Something profoundly grounded in the mutual strength we find within the feminine. We are tapped into something similar or the same - that is clear. And it is lovely to have companions to witness this wild and crazy journey!
I saw a quote the other day on Rhizomatic Arts' website that said "Work independently, but not alone." This speaks to something grounded and sturdy within. A foundation of self-support within a collective companionship. I have been so afraid of community since leaving the dance studio and theater company I helped launch back in 2012. I left both in 2014 and it has been 2 years, almost to the month, that I announced my departure. The wound that time in my life left behind is ready to seal. I may always have the scar of the separation, but the healing has come to a place that is complete. With this, I feel there is a fresh breath of friendship and love that await. A breeze that has always been there but I have been waiting to ride. This is something special. This is something to be found within and without. This is what awaits.
Maya Angelou speaks to the definition of the word Iconoclast in this episode I watched tonight. She says, "I know the title, Iconoclasts, it really means to break up the icon. An icon is that figure held high by the majority. And that's from the Greek icon and clast(s) means breaking. The iconoclast is he or she who breaks up old ideas."